Every time I take a glimpse of my younger years, I can’t help but to get a little teary eyed when I think of those things I longed to have but never had. Just a parcel of those failed childhood dreams were when I never had the Barbie doll I wanted ever since. Every little girl I knew had one and I wanted to have mine also where I can comb her hair and dress her up. That could be very fascinating experience I was never granted. Instead what I had as my ally was dolls made of papers, a replica of what I wanted, and when they get wet, they simply torn apart. But I was consoled by the fact that I could easily have a new one when mine was already destroyed, as it cost only two pesos each. I just bought them on the stalls outside my elementary campus. But even though, I still have to buy early as supplies lasted only minutes after the sales lady displayed them on the table.
Another excruciating memory I have was when I never had a game boy. My brother had one as a present from his godfather on his birthday. I was really into full smile every time I watch him play Mario, Puzzle Bubble and other games stored in the game console. He let me play it, but it was very seldom. I had to cry so much, like if I was at someone’s funeral before he let me use it. I tried to beg my mother to buy me one but instead of getting that thing, I was often scolded. They said I should not indulge myself into whatever boys are into. I was confused why I couldn’t have these things! It would be a lot easier if they told me they could not afford to have one for me, rather than making me believe that sexual discrimination started at home.
I was also broken hearted when I was not able to have my father as an escort when I graduated elementary. He preferred to attend his sibling’s birthday bash rather than being with me when I culminated my years that were full of sacrifices amidst being too young to worry things for them instead of them worrying things for me and my brothers. It pained me more because they never saw me when I delivered my valedictorian speech that included an appreciation for them. They were not there when I came back and forth on stage to receive numerous recognitions for the works well done. I was alone though I had my aunt beside me. It could be so much different if I had him or my mother to share the overwhelming emotions I felt that time. Not to be the class valedictorian in high school was one of the memories that make me cry for weeks, instead of should have been one of the proudest moments of my life. Though this was the state in my life that I came to be really independent, even though I was really hurt while ranking 2nd in my class when I graduated. I knew I never had taken for granted anything to make me only the second best. It was my school’s decision that I did not even dare to question them.
Those were just few of the saddest things in my life. I’m sure I had so many but those are the ones I can vividly recall as their impact was too heavy to ignore. Looking back, I came to realize how far I had come in my life and it may not be worth reminiscing those painful childhood memories but now I realize it made me the strong single proud mother I am today. All of my pain and childhood miseries I put it into one big ball of fire and it helped me achieve my dream in opening my successful restaurant chain over here in the Philippines. Maybe it all had to happen for a reason. I guess.